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Dictionary of My Life
We move in circles
Balanced all the while
On a gleaming razor's edge
A perfect sphere
Colliding with our fate
This story ends where it began
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PROFILE
Azwan - Takeshi
20th March 1992.
A 21-year old body with a mind far beyond comprehension.
History:
-Qifa Primary Sch
-Bukit View Secondary Sch
-Ngee Ann Polytechnic
-Specialist Cadet Sch 15/13
I'm a:
-Shinobi
-Anime Otaku
-Photographer
-Traceur
-Audio-visual Freelance
-Instrumentalist
-Artist
-Skater
-Biker
Things I love:
-Anime
-Photography
-Speed Biking
-Music
-Elsa (elec guit)
-Belle (acoustic guit)
-Dust (semi-acoustic guit)
-Skating (land/ice)
-Badminton / Tennis
-Drawing
-Parkour
-My cat
-Siti Nurhidayah Binte Osman <3
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I don't dare to kill even an ant.
p.s Kill animals and I'll hunt you down.
I may be quiet most of the time.
But if you're willing to talk, I may talk for kilometers. =P
Contacts:
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Youtube Channel |
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"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” - Ernest Hemingway"
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Thursday, January 07, 2010
Sad Life
It's been a while.I have absolutely no mood for school.
Eat.
Or even play guitar.
And I have no more pictures to post.
I've been emotionally burdened for the past few days.
I need to watch what I eat. So that I don't get to spend.
I need to watch what I eat. So that I have some change to ride the bus home.
I actually don't even have the mood to eat, even IF I have the cash.
I need to buy tools for AEEPS. By this Wednesday.
I can't buy wax for my hair, and it's messy.
I can't cut my hair, cos' Mum says there's not enough cash for the barber.
I can't use my Macbook, the charger's fucking toasted.
I can't even buy my own Macbook.
I dunno if I could save 25 bucks for my class chalet.
I dunno if tutoring will resume. They do not treasure me for what I did for their children after all.
I dunno if I am supposed to be named a Polytechnic student.
I dunno why I am in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
I dunno why I am even in a Polytechnic.
I should be in ITE. It costs cheaper.
I regretted not going to ITE.
I regretted going to Polytechnic.
I regretted paying adult fares.
I regretted making life hard for my parents.
I wanted to make up for anything.
And everything.
How?
Can I?
Tell me people.
Life won't be on my side for as long as I live.
I feel like crying.
Why was it hard to make friends in Qifa Primary School?
And why was it hard to make friends in Bukit View Secondary School?
And I'm afraid soon enough it would be harder to make friends in Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
Who likes a poor scum?
Who likes someone like me?
Who doesn't know how to talk?
Who doesn't live like you do?
I don't believe this is Karma.
Nor I believe this is retribution.
Because.
As far as I know.
I have done mistakes.
But not that much.
But what I got in return.
Was exaggeration of things.
Why do other people get pleasant living conditions?
And why am I living in a concrete jungle?
Should I have been a squatter?
Should I have been a slumdog?
Should I have been a stick?
Should I have been a single clay tile on the ground?
To be stepped on over and over again?
To be brushed and cleaned, just to be dirtied all over again?
Should I even exist in the first place?
I am a burden to people.
To people who asks me to eat.
Thanx for making me eat.
To people whom I owe money to.
I'm sorry, I'll try passing some when I have the extra notes.
To people who cared for me.
Are there?
To people who talk to me.
Thanx.
To people who think I don't exist.
For the record I appreciate that.
You don't have to be a bastard and pretend I was there.
Truly speaking I wasn't.
I didn't want to exist.
For the sake of Mankind.
I am a disgrace.
I am a failure.
I make wrong decisions.
I am worthless.
I am nothing.
If you don't like me, go away.
It's simple.
I don't wanna get in the way of your life.
You don't have to pretend to like me.
Just go if you don't like me, myself, my face or whatever bullshit.
BTW tomorrow is already Friday. Need to stay back in school to do CATS project.
Sorry for the rant.
I'm not emo.
But I can't deny. Cos' other people say so. I can't judge even myself.
My feelings.
My emotions.
My reactions.
They are all screwed up.
Someone please mend me.
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