Had I been promising myself not to be emo again?

I did.

I was never emo to begin with.

I have to admit.

Yes, I'm quiet.

I'm shy.

I have low self confidence.

I hate how I look.

I wonder how people hate me when they look at my ugly face.

I don't really know how to start a conversation.

And when I do, people think I'm weird.

I don't know what to talk about.

'Cause it's really difficult for me to find a topic.

It's not like I understand most of my classmates anyway.

My class's almost divided into more smaller classes.

Only some understand their own jokes.

Only some hang out together.

Only some gossip bout things others don't know.

Thinking back, I know almost nothing about what they're talking about.

I don't even know what to talk about with them; there's really nothing to begin with.

And I realize, I'm becoming distant.

Worse, I didn't even feel like saying goodbye to my friends last Fri when lecture ended.

I'm a bastard, I know.

Sorry, my friends.

I don't know.

I'm unreasonable.

I'm sensitive.

It's just sad to have a full eye view of what the class's becoming.

And the other thing..

What's becoming of me?

Myself?

I'm mood less.

I don't know what to feel when I'm in class.

And I think my modules are fucking boring.

I know it's not the modules.

It's me.

It's always me.

And I ate in school only on one day, Wednesday.

I didn't eat in sch on Mon, Tue, Thu and Fri.

I'm not sure why.

I think I'm gonna die soon.

My pants are getting loose.

And my brain's shutting down.

My heart's becoming empty.

And my eyes are closing.

Whatever.


........


All that I'm pointing out is, I'm bullshit.

And what I'm hoping for is, I want my old last-year class back.

I really miss what used to be then.

Really.